TW: Mention of ED, Post-Partum Depression
Wix Images
I farted loudly and wobbled down the aisle as quickly as I could escape; This was in a Walmart in the Summer of 2013, and I was in my third trimester. I had been stopped by a woman who came up to me and gushed over my pregnant body. She said, "Wow, that's so wonderful that you're having twins? ...Triplets?" After I informed her it was just one wee one in there, she responded with, "No way you're THIS big with one baby. You're HUGE!"
It was an extremely uncomfortable time for me, overall. I went from having an unnoticeable bump, to blowing up by approximately 70 pounds. Instead of crying in her face, I said I had to go - and then accidently crop-dusted the woman with a massive fart. (I didn't MEAN to, I promise.)
Right before I got pregnant, I was in treatment for many months because I had been starving myself. It wasn't my first time, but it was a moment in my life where I really, truly wanted to get better and love myself inside and out. Just as I was recovering, I was surprised with the pregnancy of my son, and a whole new battle with my body began.
"I went from having an unnoticeable bump, to blowing up by approximately 70 pounds. Instead of crying in her face, I said I had to go - and then accidently crop-dusted the woman with a massive fart. (I didn't MEAN to, I promise.)"
Feeling ugly and huge, 2013
My boyfriend (now husband) and I went to Vegas for a weekend, and the night before coming home, I fell incredibly ill. It was a feeling unlike anything else I had ever felt; I was nauseated and my body didn't feel like mine. As we got on the airplane, we had a seat mix-up and finally I blurted out, "I need to sit next to him because I am sick and I am PREGNANT!" My husband's head quickly popped up from the aisle and said, "You... ARE?" I shrugged and said, "I don't know, maybe I am?" After figuring out our seats, I began to feel a bit better.... perhaps it was just anxiety this whole time? No way could I be pregnant, I thought. After all, I was dealing with PCOS and was told it would be very difficult for me to ever conceive and carry out a full-term pregnancy. As the weeks went on, I kept telling my sister that something was off, and that I was pretty sure I was baking a baby in there. "No you're NOT, you're probably just sick from the weather". Okay? I guess if my big sister, who had been pregnant just the year before, says that I am not - well then I guess I'm not. The symptoms kept getting worse though, so one morning I decided to take a test just to see what it said, and to put my mind at ease. It took NO time for that thing to say "PREGNANT 4-5 weeks"! I cried! I was instantly terrified. Would I be able to carry this child? Am I going to screw up my progress with my ED? Will I pass on my depression to my kid? Oh crap - I will definitely be a shoe-in for Post-Partum Depression... HOW DO I TELL MY FAMILY? (Picture it: not married and VERY Greek) I guess not everything stays in Vegas, after all!
"I was instantly terrified.... Would I be able to carry this child? Am I going to screw up my progress with my ED? Will I pass on my depression to my kid? Oh crap - I will definitely be a shoe-in for Post-Partum Depression... "
I hate to report that I was pretty spot-on with most of these assumptions. After all, we put out what we want in this universe, and I suppose my fears were heard loud and clear. Unfortunately my high-risk pregnancy triggered a bigger battle and my poor body image was still very much in existence. In fact, it got worse. My first few months of pregnancy I did not show at all. I actually started losing weight, because I couldn't keep anything down. My doctor diagnosed me with Hyperemesis Gravidarum and gave me meds that did nothing. Each morning I would panic as I got on the scale, because I didn't want anyone to comment on me "starving my child". Because I wasn't showing a bump, it gave others permission to offer their opinion on that. When I finally began to show right before my third trimester, I could start to eat food again without running for a bag. Woo hoo! I could finally nurture my baby and felt good about it - but - I blew up. Not literally, but it sure felt like it. Suddenly, I couldn't fit into anything. I remember shopping at a maternity clothing store to buy pants, and the salesperson said to me, "You should get a size bigger - it looks like you need it", as her eyes studied my hips and then widened with her words. I went back into the changeroom and sobbed. Why do people comment on a pregnant person's body? Why do they comment on ANYONE'S body? From family to complete strangers - it just doesn't make any sense to comment on a pregnant person - or any person's body, especially when you have no idea what they are dealing with.
Let's go over a list of what you can say about a pregnant person's body: Other than telling them that they are beautiful - nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Remember this, the next time you see a pregnant person and you want to comment on their body... they could let out a really big fart, and no one tells you how bad pregnancy farts are, until they erupt.
You've been warned... And you are loved. - Dina xo P.S. these are the only "bump" photos I have... I was too embarrassed to take any. Don't be like Dina. Be proud of your beautiful bodies.
Comentarios